I have seen Tron: Legacy and my life will never be the same.
I have seen the world of Tron.
It's pretty radical,
with blond women
stylized like cars
who smile mysteriously,
and lots of wild Disney stuff,
with streaking lights that look oh so very trippy . . .
In the world of Tron, you can never see the sun,
but you do see a lot of neon.
It reminds me of a bar downtown,
where the baby boomers, like Jeff Bridges, babble on about Zen
[actual quote: "You're messing with my Zen thing, man!"]
and the Disney executives strive so hard to be hip
so they hire Michael Sheen to camp it up as Castor,
the David Bowie-esque cane-wielding albino Oz fellow,
and they construct a story around a young cipher, I mean,
a guy named Sam Flynn (Garett Hedlund) who just wants to ride his 'cycle
and fight whatever villains the Disney executives place in front of him.
Sam has a dog,
and he misses his dad, Kevin,
a tech industry genius like Zuckerberg,
only with more facial hair
and the sad feel of the Dude selling out.
Once Sam gets into the Grid,
he fights with gladiatorial neon frisbees,
and rides light Cycles,
and flies in light jets with turrets (as in Star Wars).
Even more, Kevin arranges for Sam to impress a girl
much like Leeloo of The Fifth Element
or Miranda of The Tempest. Her name is Quorra.
Quorra (Olivia Wilde) is full of wonder.
She likes to lounge on Kevin's sofa after eating dinner,
and wear a pageboy brunette haircut reminiscent of
Louise Brooks in Pandora's Box,
or Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction.
Quorra (spoiler alert) helps get Sam to the portal
before Kevin's younger fascist CGI version of himself,
Clu marshalls an army of program clones into invading earth
by giving a speech as Kevin sneaks around the compound
like Obi-Wan Kenobi in his Jedi Knight hood.
Will Clu get to download Kevin's frisbee floppy disk
full of the secrets of the universe?
Will Sam reconcile with his dad
for hooking him up with Quorra?
Will the Disney executives make money
from their 80s nostalgia,
and streamlined art design?
I have seen Tron: Legacy
and my life will never be the same.
Questions for review